How Do You Tell Your Kids A Certain Hard Truth About Christmas?

Perhaps this is a subject best left until after Dec. 25. Then again, as parents we have to mentally gear ourselves up for one of the toughest jobs we may ever face. It might be good to hear some advice from other parents ahead of time.

It could also be helpful to reflect on how you as a child received the news. Oh, and there is a reason I posted this photo of a 1970s Barbie Country Camper, as it relates to my own traumatic experience of getting this news.

Was it also traumatic for you? Is there some way you'd like to improve upon that experience for your own child?

You know the hard truth I'm talking about: There is no Santa Claus.

What?! No Santa Claus?! Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

I confess, the wound from getting this news is still pretty raw after all these years.

It was the Monday after Christmas when I was 7 years old. It had been such a good Christmas. Santa had been so very good to me.

He brought me the aforementioned Barbie Country Camper. It was so groovy cool with its bright orange and yellow vinyl siding, and with the tent that popped out ... and the psychedelic flower and bird design on the side and back.

Santa also brought me a Ken doll so that Barbie and Ken could go on romantic camping trips together. They would be chaste camping trips, of course, because, at 7, I had no concept of sexual intercourse. We also all know that Barbie and Ken lack the necessary equipment. The most they could muster would be some good-night smooches before falling asleep under the stars in those orange plastic sleeping bags that came with the camper.

OK, that Monday after Christmas when I was 7 years old. See? I'm avoiding it.

I was sitting on the steps of our front porch with my mother, looking out in the gray December mist. My mother, as gently as possible, said: "Martha, there is no Santa Claus."

I know I went through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) in about five minutes.

Actually, I think in some repressed way I got stuck at the anger stage. It has come out in many ways through the course of my life, including when I played with Barbie and Ken going on their camping trips. Those trips never turned out to be romantic. Instead, in the scenarios I created, Ken would get swept off in a flash flood or hauled off by bears.

Another confession:

As a parent, I never had to break the news about Santa to my son, who is now 12.

That's because, he never believed in Santa.

I tried. I really tried to instill the Santa belief in my son. I wanted to re-create the Santa magic that was ripped from me as a child. I started with his first Christmas, when he was nine months old and continuing through his second, third and fourth Christmases.

I tried to convince him that Santa brought him the Donald engine to add to his Thomas the Tank Engine train set, the Buzz Lightyear action figure and the Millenium Falcon Lego set. He nodded indifferently as I mentioned Santa's name and got to playing with his new toys.

He finally gave me the hard truth, and he was only 4 or 5 years old.

"I don't believe in Santa."

He said he never believed in Santa.

What?! You don't believe in Santa? You never believed? Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

How did he figure this out in spite of my efforts to the contrary?

Actually, his declaration came as a relief. It meant I wouldn't have to gear up for the Big Santa Talk. In this one instance, I wouldn't have to break my son's heart with information about one of the many hard truths of life.

His declaration, at 4 or 5 years old, also taught me a good lesson about my son and about being a parent. He was showing me that he has a mind of his own--as all kids do. He was also showing me that he would be figuring certain things out on his own, including if and in whom he would put his faith as he moved forward in life.

A version of this column is also posted on Walnut Creek Patch.

For Those Who Celebrate Christmas, Are You Getting Your Tree Sooner or Later?

So, Thanksgiving is soooo one day from now. Aside from figuring out which recipe to use for baking corn bread for Thursday's dinner, I, alas, am set for Turkey day, since my sister is graciously hosting.

So, I'm focused on the future, which is Christmas. And, I'm contemplating where to buy our family tree.

Come on, I'm not alone in mentally leapfrogging over Thanksgiving to Christmas. Stores around Walnut Creek have had their faux pine garlands on display since at least before Halloween.

In our family, we established the tradition of buying our Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving. And, by the way, our family is not religious, we don't go to church, and we have not incorporated the teachings of Jesus Christ into a spiritual tradition that any of us follow individually or as a family.

So, yes, Christmas for me is all about the gingerbread, songs, 1940s movies and getting together with family. I love all that stuff, and that's why I happen to like this particular holiday—or rather, the lead-up to it. I delight in stretching this lead-up out as long as possible.

However, for me it is typically the anticipation of the day, more than the day itself, that I love. I say typically because here's a true confession: All apologies to my husband, but planning our wedding was thrilling. The day itself, with all its deep, life-changing significance? Not as thrilling in comparison. The only event that exceeded all expectations and months of eager anticipation was the birth of my son. And, yes, I am seeing a therapist to address this and many other issues.

So, I'm the type of person who wants to get the Christmas tree as soon as possible. I like to have that wonderful Christmas tree smell filling my living room, and to be able to gaze onto the tree, with its lights and ornaments, filling my living room window.

Others are not in such a rush to buy their trees. And, yes, there are certain problems to buying a tree too early. One year, our tree was mighty dried out by December 24, and I worried we had a fire hazard on our hands.

My older brother, who happens to be more practical than me, talked about liking to wait until Christmas Eve—when he and his family could get good deals on trees. But I think his kids, as they got older, started nudging mom and dad to get their trees a few weeks earlier.

Actually, the idea of waiting until Christmas Eve to set up and "trim" the tree has a charm to it. It's a tradition in some European countries, and it makes me think of a festive scene in a 19th century British novel.

But, no, I can't wait to get that Christmas tree. My anticipation is already running pretty high.

I expect we might go to the Honey Bear Trees lot, which is not in Walnut Creek but in Lafayette, across Pleasant Hill Road from Acalanes High School.

Twenty percent of what we pay for the tree, wreathes and any other purchases goes to support the Walnut Creek Education Foundation, the nonprofit that supports schools in the Walnut Creek School District and Las Lomas High School. I passed by the lot Tuesday.

It opened on Monday, so apparently some people are even more eager to get ahold of their trees than me. The lot will be open through Dec. 24.

Do you have another place you like to go? And why? What's your family Christmas tree tradition?

Things I love about a late December, rainy suburban night ...

My husband and I got a free hour to pop out and get something to eat ... the two of us.

We went to Chow's in Lafayette, and we went early. Wow! Business is bustling today, both at Chow's and in downtown Walnut Creek. Earlier in the afternoon, I dropped my son and two of his buddies off at the Century Theaters in Walnut Creek so they could go see the new Sherlock Holmes movie. He called my cell phone 10 minutes later (yes, he has his own phone ... ) to say the movie was sold out and he and his friends were "going to do stuff." I had thought I might do a bit of post-Christmas shopping, but downtown Walnut Creek looked even more packed than it had in the days leading up to Christmas, so I drove home.

As I thought about my son's vow that he and his friends would "do stuff," I can't imagine that these three energetic sixth-grade boys, alone on their own in downtown Walnut Creek, could pull off stunts any worse than I did when I was their age, and on my own with a girlfriend, wandering the streets of downtown WC.

My friend, at the time, was already a serious shopper, and she would go on to live in London and make fashion her profession and supposedly have Greek shipping tycoons as lovers.

Whatever. I could care less about shopping, now and back then as a Walnut Creek sixth- and seventh-grader.

Set free on Walnut Creek's downtown at that age, I just wanted to wander around and goof on people.

Yeah, how mature is that? But was it fun!

Hey, if you were in the old Bullocks (now Nordstrom) back in the '70s, and you had a wad of chewed-up gum fall on top of your head from someone riding the escalators above...

Well, it's possible it was me.

A belated apology. Sort of.

My son and his friends arrived home, and we left them to their own pre-teen boy devices (video games) so we could go out, and have a late afternoon drink, a bite to eat, and some couple time.

As we finished up dinner at Chow in Lafayette, as the early evening crowds starting to pour in, we saw the rain fall outside our window.

The rain was pretty heavy as we made our way east on Mt. Diablo Boulevard, to Pleasant Hill Road, and then to Olympic Boulevard into Walnut Creek.

I wish I had a camera with me, to capture the beautiful rainy December night images I witnessed as we drove by.

The most I can say is that I think it is rather magnificent to see, even post-December 25, people's outdoor Christmas lights shining, white, red, blue, green and gold, and to see those lights shining through the darkness and rain of a cold December night.

This vision--of Christmas lights, rain, night--on a night like this is one of my favorite things...

Get your holiday entertainment on

First, forget the Jim Carey animated movie version of A Christmas Carol. Or don’t. I’ve heard it’s supposed to be pretty good, but Jim Carey usually gives me a headache, even when he’s in his “serious actor” mode, so this movie version is a no-go for me.

Besides, I’d prefer to see a live theater version of the Charles Dickens’ classic story of Ebenezer Scrooge and his Christmas Eve redemption. There is something more traditional about seeing it live, especially if it’s a version presented by a local professional company.

The production to see is the one at the Lesher Center by the resident theater company, Center Repertory. The company has been doing the show for 11 years, and, according to Contra Costa Times’ theater critic, it is one of the best staged versions of A Christmas Carol in the Bay Area, as good as the one presented at American Conservatory Theater.

The cast includes a number of Bay Area theater veterans and local kids and teens (from Walnut Creek elementary, middle, and high schools), sometimes getting their first chance to perform in a professional show. I’ve seen A Christmas Carol twice, and it’s well worth it. A Christmas Carol plays at the Lesher Center through December 20. For tickets and information visit www.centerrep.org.

White Christmas at the Orinda Theatre on Saturday. This is the second film in which Bing Crosby sang his now classic holiday tune. I admit I prefer the first film, a 1942 black-and-white musical called Holiday Inn, starring Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire, as partners in show but rivals in love. Holiday Inn was about an entertainer who wants to get out of the rat race and open a Vermont inn that is only open on holidays. This musical features music by Irving Berlin and some killer dance numbers by Fred Astaire (and one unfortunate and anachronistic blackface production number). You should be able to rent it or catch it on TV in the next couple weeks.

Still, White Christmas, despite its somewhat fluffy and contrived plot, works. It was apparently conceived and enhanced with color and splashier sets to cash in on Bing’s White Christmas popularity. Here Bing’s partner in entertainment is comic singer, dancer, actor Danny Kaye, and his love interest is the radiant singer Rosemary Clooney (George Clooney's aunt!). The production numbers are fun, and features some amazing dancing by the lithe Vera Ellen.

The two screenings of White Christmas at 4 and 7 p.m. are part of the California Independent Film Festival. Ticket sales will benefit the Lamorinda Teen Center, and both screenings will feature carols performed by the Miramonte High School Chamber choir.

For tickets, click here.