Mom on the Verge: “I can’t talk to anyone. It’s so horrible. I’m so sad.”

These are the poignant lines uttered by a suburban mom on the verge. She’s Betty Draper, the young, blond, pretty seemingly perfect 1960 housewife in the critically acclaimed TV show Mad Men.

I woke up early this morning, couldn’t get back to sleep, so I burned through the final two episodes of the first season of Mad Men. This Thanksgiving weekend, I finally decided to get on the Mad Men TV-viewing bandwagon. There are many reasons to watch this show, but, given the title of this blog, Crazy in Suburbia, I was particularly intrigued to acquaint myself with the drama, because, among its many features, it depicts American suburban life, at that post-World War II time when the suburbs were moving to the forefront of our nation’s cultural consciousness.

Despite my Soccer Mom nom de plume and the photo of the skinny, prosperous looking blond at the top corner of this site (Yes, it’s Victoria Beckham), I’m not that woman and I'm no Betty Draper. I’m not as young as Betty, who is 28. I’m also not blond; rather I’m a wanna-be-blond, as my son teases me. In fact, after delaying my usual routine of feminine maintenance, I’ve got an appointment today to get my highlights retouched. Not sure when I’ll get around to the rest of my routine: leg waxing and pedicure. Like a lot of families these days in these tough economic times, ours is feeling a little tight on money.

Also, unlike Betty, I’m not a housewife, perfect or otherwise. I’m a working mom, and don't do housekeeping all that well.

I should despise this Betty Draper character, and I should be brimming with Schadenfreude, taking delight in her suffering. In a way, I am, I must confess, but I suspect that other fans of the show are also gaining satisfaction in learning her life ain't so great after all.

Because she seems to have much to envy, so much going for her. She comes from a well-off East Coast family, graduated from top college, and was beautiful enough, in a Grace Kelly way, to model for a while in Manhattan before meeting her Prince Charming, the handsome, successful Don Draper. She also has a natural flair for keeping her house in beautiful shape, as well as herself. She certainly doesn’t put off her feminine maintenance routine.

Actually, I see a lot of women around Walnut Creek, in my neighborhood, or at community events, who appear to also have Betty’s gift for looking good and, more than that, for looking happy.

I confess to being bitter at times that I’m not these women. I confess to feeling envy, and then spite, and of trying to convince myself that I have other qualities that make me superior to these seemingly perfect women. I know that’s not a good way to think, and, when I’m in envy mode, I despise myself so much than I could ever despise Betty Draper or the Betty Drapers of central Contra Costa County.

But as the first season of Mad Men goes on, Betty reveals an actually not-so-surprising level of depth, humanity, and misery. She’s quietly going crazy in her seemingly perfect life. She, of course, would have made a perfect case study for the groundbreaking book, The Feminine Mystique, by Betty Friedan.

Her psychiatrist--Betty Draper's, that is--labels her as highly anxious. Her husband, Don, is mystified, but then he’s off working most of the time, drinking, smoking, and having affairs.

Betty terrifies and surprises herself with sudden displays of anger. Over the past year or so, I've terrified and surprised myself in similar ways (though I've done nothing to get myself arrested for). She gets mad as hell and decides she’s not going to take it anymore. She slaps a neighbor in the grocery store who has insulted her. Then, after losing a chance to return to her modeling career part time, she takes a rifle and opens fire on pigeons belonging to her next-door neighbor, out of revenge for his threatening to shoot her children’s dog. She also takes to sipping glasses of red wine during the day (If only she'd had Trader Joe's Two-Buck Chuck around back then) and fantasizes about luring the door-to-door air-conditioning salesman into her home for a quickie.

Betty really loses it after it dawns on her that, yes, her husband isn’t the man he has always pretended to be and that he has been unfaithful to her for a long time. That’s when she suddenly breaks down in a bank parking lot on a cold November morning and confides her misery to a 9-year-old neighbor boy, with whom she has formed an unconventional, yet sympathetic bond.

Betty walks up to him as he sits in the car waiting for his mother to come out of the bank. She blurts out: “I can’t talk to anyone. It’s so horrible. I’m so sad.” Then she pleads to the boy, who, with his own dysfunctional family life, also has reasons to be sad, “Please tell me I’ll be okay.”

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had moments when I have felt just like Betty Draper. Actually, lots of moments, particularly in the past few years. When I just want to open up to someone and say, this is horrible—whatever this is. Life itself? And I just feel so sad, and I want someone to just tell me it’s going to be okay.

Yes, it’s Thanksgiving weekend, and I should not be feeling sad, but I should be feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all the good things in my life.

It’s Saturday morning. When the sky became light, I could see that a thick cold gray mist lay heavy around my house and over my cul-de-sac. The mist has since lifted. The leaves on the trees outside my bedroom window are sparkling bright yellow in orange in the sun. It could be another beautiful fall day here in suburbia. I told my husband I was feeling sad, we talked, and now he’s preparing chocolate chip waffles for my son. I’ll go running and breathe in the cold, clear air.

I can't wait for Season 2 of Mad Men to come out on DVD. I missed the second season when it actually aired on AMC. I’ll have to get the DVDs and see if things start to get better for Betty Draper. I hope so.

New Federal Report: Poverty Spreading to the Suburbs

The day after Black Friday when we were all supposed to be crowding Target, Best Buy, Macys, and the malls, spending money we might not have on things we think we need but probably don't comes a study showing that "poverty is spreading and may be re-clustering in the suburbs."

The study comes from the Federal Reserve's Community Affairs department and the Brookings Institution Metropolitan Policy Program. The summary of this study comes from this Reuters report:

Poverty in the United States is spreading from rural and inner-city areas to the suburbs, a situation that can worsen as the economy confronts what may be a protracted recession.

With the U.S. economic outlook rapidly deteriorating, poverty could get worse. ... The U.S. housing market collapse has unleashed the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, forcing business to scale back on investments and driving the unemployment rate to a 14-year high.

Good Commentary on WC City Council’s Tone Deafness Regarding the Neiman Marcus Project

Don Huggins, a Walnut Creek resident, asserts that the Walnut Creek City Council is to blame for the costs the city would bear if opponents of the proposed Neiman Marcus project succeed in forcing a voter referendum on the issue. He makes this assertion in Friday’s Walnut Creek Journal. Below is his commentary. I’d provide a link to the commentary on the Contra Costa Times website, but the site has been acting screwy, freezing up my computer when I click on to any story.

But before I share the commentary, I just want to say that I don’t care whether or not Walnut Creek gets its Neiman Marcus. I’m not a big shopper, and a lot of the stuff at “Needless Markup” would be out of my price range anyway. Maybe Neiman Marcus will bring retail prestige to the city. Ooo-ahhh. Maybe our city leaders have big egos and want to be the local political leaders who brought Neiman Marcus to Walnut Creek!

Word is that Neiman Marcus put pressure on the Walnut Creek City Council to speed through the approval process by saying it could locate its next department store in a neighboring city, like San Ramon, in its new, one-day city center. (As if even a Neiman Marcus could ever turn San Ramon into a new high-end Bay Area shopping destination. Puh-lease.)

The main thing that I scratch my head over, with regard to this project, and the source of a lot of head shaking among Walnut Creek friends is the additional parking burden Neiman Marcus will place on downtown Walnut Creek. We scratch and shake our heads in utter disbelief that city leaders, Broadway Plaza, and Neiman Marcus would suggest solving any Neiman Marcus-related parking increases by instituting valet parking. Specifically, transforming the public garage behind Macys and Crate and Barrel into valet parking during peak shopping times. Are these people kidding?

Anyway, here is what Mr. Huggins articulately said:

City to Blame for Neiman Marcus situation

Do you wonder why Walnut Creek will likely face a voter referendum on the Neiman Marcus/Macerich project, plus a lawsuit challenging the EIR for the project?

First, go back to December 2003, when the city commissioned a scientific survey of Walnut Creek residents to get “valuable input” for their new 20-year general plan. Results showed that the majority of residents wanted growth to slow, development to be limited, traffic and parking to be improved and retention of building height limits—among other things. Not what the city wanted to hear!

So they ignored the input, but repeatedly took credit for surveying the residents while avoiding any mention of the results.

I brought up the survey on various occasions and received no response or opportunity for discussion. Finally, I received a letter from Kathy Hicks, the mayor at the time, in which she lectured me on the difference between a referendum—which the city has an obligation to follow (if passed)—and a survey, for which there is no such obligation.

Mayor Hicks’ letter revealed a lot. First, there was no challenge of my claim that the city was ignoring the solicited input of the majority of its recipients. Secondly, it tells us that they have no problem ignoring the majority. Thirdly, and most importantly, it tells us that if the majority wants to be heard they need to use the referendum process.

Skip forward to the new library project, which voters rejected the funding twice. The city went ahead with the expensive project anyway, even though they had not figured out the total funding for construction or operation.

And now the Neiman Marcus/Macerich project. Again, I pointed out to the City Council that their December 2003 scientific survey makes it clear that the majority of residents would not support this project package, especially the parking proposal, and in a representative government who are they supposed to be representing? Again, no response. And Macerich, working with the city, was so sure of the project approvals that they arranged for David M. Brian to vacate the project site before approvals were granted.

Much to everyone’s surprise, an anonymous entity opposing the project has gathered signatures for a referendum and is funding a legal challenge of the EIR. This has caused the city to go ballistic. Who dare challenge the City Council’s authority? Note that by opposing the petition-gathering for a referendum the city was trying to take away the only means left for its residents to be heard.

It’s obvious that the city is afraid of the results of the referendum. They complain about the cost of a special election, but it’s clear that the city brought it on themselves.

Hungry for Help: Bad Economy Pushes Up the Number of East Bay Residents Needing a Free Meal or Other Food Assistance

More people than ever sought a free Thanksgiving meal at Bay Area soup kitchens, according to news reports. The Food Bank of Contra Costa and Solano adds that 98,000 people a month receive help from the organization, a 20 percent increase over 2006.

Meanwhile, the folks at Fresh Start Walnut Creek, a respite and service center for the working poor, homeless, and those at risk of homeless, recently told me they have been dealing with an increased demand for services. The new groups of people seeking help at this center, which is open two days a week at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, include those whose homes have been foreclosed or who were renting homes and apartments that were subject to foreclosure.

There are big and small ways to help during this holiday season, and the Volunteer Center of the East Bay has an easy-to-navigate list that offers all sorts of suggestions. Not to sound too Pollyanna-ish, but it seems that the recent shocks we’ve all suffered from the economic crisis could bring us together more as a community. There’s not a lot we can do about the volatile stock market, our plummeting 401Ks, or even the prospect of losing our jobs. But some mental health specialists and wellness experts I’ve spoken to recently—people who are smarter and wiser than me about managing personal crises—say it’s important to shift your perspective from one of doom and fear. One way to do that is to volunteer. It gets you out of your own head and your own troubles to what’s going on with others and the world around you.

Anyway, here is the contact information for the organizations I’ve already mentioned. If anyone out there can think of others that deserve to be on the list, email your recommendations.

Volunteer Center of the East Bay

2401 Shadelands Dr., Suite 112, Walnut Creek, 94598, (925) 472-5760, (925) 778-0165, (510) 232-0163, Email: info@helpnow.org

Fresh Start Walnut Creek

St. Paul's Episcopal Church, Fellowship House, 1924 Trinity Ave., Walnut Creek, 94596, (925) 935-8446, email: FreshStartWC@comcast.net. NOTE: To write or donate money to Fresh Start, use the following address: Fresh Start Trust Accounting, P.O. Box 681, El Cerrito, 94530.

Food Bank of Contra Costa and Solano

P.O. Box 6324, Concord CA 94524, (925) 676-7543, mailto:lclingman@foodbankccs.org .

You can also drop off food donations at the Food Bank’s Concord warehouse on these days and times: Monday, Friday, Saturday, 7 a.m.-3:30 p.m.; Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, 7 a.m.–7 p.m. The warehouse is located at 4010 Nelson Ave., Concord, 94520, (925) 676-7543.

Claycord.com Reports Suburban Mom Slain in San Mateo Was From Concord

The Mayor of Claycord has learned that the 24-year-old woman killed by a stalker after handing her small kids out of her San Mateo home to police grew up in Concord. Read more about Loan Kim Nguyen's East Bay background here.

As the Mayor says, it's a very sad story. The San Francisco Chronicle reports that Nguyen, the mother of a 3-year-old son and a 1-year-old daughter, was attacked in her home Tuesday morning, just after her husband, a Wachovia bank executive, left for work.

Her alleged assailant was 22-year-old Raymond Gee, of Oakland, who had apparently been stalking her and her family for several weeks, police believe. Gee gained entry into Nguyen's home through a partially open garage door.

Once inside, Gee attacked Nguyen, repeatedly threatening to kill her, the Chronicle reported. There was no evidence of a sexual assault. ... Nguyen managed to call 911 and text message her husband ... Officers arrived, and Gee fired at officers approaching the house.

More from the Chronicle: "Nguyen escaped into a bedroom, where she barricaded herself with her children, a 3-year-old son and 1-year-old daughter. As she handed the second of her children out the window to police officers, Gee opened fire through an adjoining bathroom wall. Police fired back, and Nguyen was fatally struck in the exchange."

Crazy Black Friday Shopping Schedule, and a Plea to Shop Locally

If I was an avid shopper, and I’m not, actually, I’d be in a tizzy Friday morning, the day after Thanksgiving. Starting early, (at some stores right after midnight; their poor employees!) retailers—mostly the large chains—open their doors to shoppers eager for what appear to be major bargains on electronics, clothes, toys, etc.

Check out some of the opening times for local businesses. I compiled this list by perusing through the stacks of advertising inserts in today's Contra Costa Times, but if you Google "Black Friday," you find a number of websites that have info on major retailers and their hot bargains:

Thanksgiving Day: Walgreens. Yes, Walgreens is actually getting a jump on everyone!

Friday morning
3 a.m. Best Buy will pass out tickets to select “doorbusters” before its 5 a.m. opening
4 a.m. Kohls, JC Penney
5 a.m. Target, Circuit, Macys, Old Navy
5:30 a.m. Big 5 Sporting Goods
6 a.m. Longs Drugs, Radio Shack, Bed Bath & Beyond, JoAnn Fabric and Craft stores, Burlington Coat Factory, Office Depot, Home Depot
7 a.m. Office Max, Cost Plus World Market, Ace Hardware
8 a.m. Lane furniture store

These “doorbuster” bargains are available for several hours and at some stores all day. And you should check with the Target, Old Navy, Home Depot, etc., closest to you to check on opening times.

Retailers this year are of course especially desperate to lure people into their stores on Black Friday and through the Thanksgiving weekend. A number of economists have predicted that this holiday season could be especially gloomy for retailers, given GEC (the Global Economic Crisis), or, as what another friend is now calling, GD2 (Great Depression 2).

In an earlier post, I reported that the website, 24/7 WallSt.com, says that the day after Thanksgiving is considered “the bellwether of holiday sales” and will determine "the fate of several companies.” 24/7WallSt.com named 10 companies that might not make it into 2009 if their sales don’t pick up significantly this holiday season. Four of those companies have stores in Walnut Creek.

Meanwhile, the East Bay Express and more than 70 other members of Association of Alternative Newsweeklies are urging their readers to shop locally. These newspapers, located all across the country, are urging readers to spend at least $100 of their holiday money this fall at locally owned stores in their communities—a move that could pump more than $2.9 billion into urban economies during this recession-plagued season.

What will happen to Walnut Creek’s downtown if certain major retailers go out of business in today’s economic crisis?

'Twas the night before Thanksgiving (and two days before retail's famed Black Friday), and I came across this not very cheery report from 24/7 Wall St., which claims to offer “insightful analysis and commentary for U.S. and global equity investors.” Anyway, 24/7 WallSt.com names “The Black Friday 10: Retailers Who Might Not See 2009.” 24/7 WallSt. says these companies might not make it if their sales drop by double digits this holiday season compared to last year's holiday season.

Among those retailers listed are four that occupy prominent storefront space in downtown Walnut Creek. Notably, this list includes Cost Plus Market, the Oakland-based imptorer that serves as one of the anchors for Oympic Place, a retail, entertainment and shopping complex at the corner of California and Mount Diablo boulevards. Cost Plus, at the crossroads of those two thoroughfares, occupies what some would consider a “gateway” position into downtown Walnut Creek.

Olympic Place has already lost Bombay Company and Bombay Kids--and our family's personal favorites, Moonstruck Fine Chocolates and the burger-shake-and-fries joint, Johnny Rockets. Somehow, those businesses just couldn't make a go of it, either because of that location or, especially, after GEC (Global Economic Crisis) hit.

Meanwhile, a co-worker had recently been into the local Walnut Creek Williams-Sonoma, another retailer on the Black Friday 10 list. My co-worker said the staff at Williams-Sonoma was desperately eager to get people inside, and to please.

This late Wednesday afternoon, the eve of Thanksgiving--and perhaps not the best time to make this observation and form a judgment--I drove by Williams-Sonoma. But, I didn’t see many people clamoring to get inside.

Wonder how the empty aisles at Williams-Sonoma on Wednesday afternoon predict the crowds for Black Friday? 24/7 Wall Street says that the day after Thanksgiving is considered the bellwether of holiday sales and will determine "the fate of several companies which are now viewed as the weakest operators in the industry."

And, yes, according to 24/7's list, the 10 companies on that list also include the clothier Talbots , which is Main Street, and the other affordable import specialty store, Pier 1 Imports at 2099 Mt. Diablo Blvd. To read more about 24/7 Wall Street has to say about these four companies and why they are struggling, click here.

Miracle on Mt. Diablo Boulevard! A New Long-Awaited Arrival in Downtown Walnut Creek, and, no, It’s Not More Street Parking, But ...

It's something just as welcome: A NEW DOWNTOWN HARDWARE STORE!


Yes, that’s right. Those of us close to the downtown core no longer need to drive out to Ygnacio Valley, or to Lafayette to fulfill our needs for just that right “roofing nail,” pipe wrench, or all-in-one faucet. We can head to Walnut Creek Hardware at 2044 Mt. Diablo Boulevard. (Just west of Blockbuster).


And, golly, gee, listen to me throwing these home improvement terms around! As if I, Soccer Mom, know anything about any of this DIY/home improvement stuff. But I’m sure there are a fair number of Walnut Creek residents who care about such terms and equipment and are delighted that this convenient new store is open, and every day except for certain major holidays.


Actually, I was amazed to learn that Walnut Creek Hardware had its soft opening this past Thursday. Talk about coincidences! That evening, I was at a pizza party for my son’s Walnut Creek soccer team, and a couple of parents lamented the fact that downtown Walnut Creek no longer had a hardware store. Not since Simon’s closed to make way for Plaza Escuela and the failed Andronico’s upscale grocery store project.


As a Walnut Creek native, I personally have fond memories of my father, a big fan of home improvement and guy/carpentry projects, dragging me--to what I believe it was called--to Kelway’s Hardware at 2721 N. Main Street on Saturdays. It turns out that I actually loved rummaging around the bins of nails and pipes in that crowded, dusky, messy old place (what is now Masse’s Billiards Bar and Grill). And then, as a celebration of our father/daughter hardware shopping bonding, we headed to McDonald’s on California Boulevard and gorged on Big Macs and chocolate milkshakes. Those were the days.


But back to my soccer parent friends last Thursday: I assured them that a hardware store was coming to Walnut Creek soon. Very soon. I’d read about it and talked to people about it.
And lo and behold! It arrived on the very day I spoke of it!


So, yes, I hear that it is a basic hardware store. It occupies about 12,500 square feet of retail space and is stocked with supplies for home building, plumbing, electrical, cleaning, and DIY projects. No, it’s not a fancy “Restoration Hardware” kind of place. However, given that it is located a few blocks from such stylish destinations as Tiffany and Co. and Nordstrom, it isn’t decorated in a dusty, messy, fluorescent-lit hardware-store kind of way, and it does stock does stock such classier items as chrome fixtures for your Harley-Davidson motorcycle. And since “green” is so stylish, sexy, and, of course, socially responsible these days, Walnut Creek stocks eco-friendly non-toxic, non-odor paint by Mississippi-based Mythic Paint.


The official grand opening of Walnut Creek Hardware will take place in late March and coincide with the completion of the store’s nursery, of up to 8,500 square feet, which will open to the rear of the hardware store. The owners, both Walnut Creek residents, had the idea that they wanted to replace what was lost when the Whole Foods Market took over the former Navlet’s garden center on Newell Avenue.


Finally, Walnut Creek Hardware is part of the Ace Hardware cooperative, but is independently owned.


Except for major holidays, like Thanksgiving and Christmas, Walnut Creek Hardware is open Monday-Saturdays, 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. and Sundays, 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. For information, call (925) 705-7500.

What was Governor Ah-nold doing in Blackhawk?

Apparently our esteemed Governor Schwarzenegger stopped in at Starbucks at the Blackhawk Plaza recently and then got his photo snapped with a bevy of local beauties at Salon 4062 in the plaza, according to Diablo magazine's website.

Do I Have Any Reason to Run Photos of Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Britney Spears?

To be honest, no, other than that I originally intended to run them with my recent post about Sarah Palin and her new entertaining celebrity status. My computer was just having trouble uploading the photos of these gals at the time. I guess they are just so smoking hot. Meanwhile, I'm a bit new to this blogging stuff, so technical difficulties are bound to arise. Anyway, here are the photos I was so eager to run.

And, hey, what's wrong with a high-toned media organization like Crazy in Suburbia running photos of celebrities? Us Weekly and other celebrity magazines run cover shots of gals like this all the time, concocting some lame new angle about their exploits just to have an excuse to publish their photos, attract more attention on the newsstands, and supposedly sell more magazines. Even another high-toned publication like Vanity Fair will trot out some allegedly hot new story about such global icons as Marilyn Monroe, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, and Princess Diana, just to have a reason to publish more photos of them.

Meanwhile, here is a photo of Tonya Harding. Someone who commented on my Sarah Palin post noted a similarity between the Alaska governor and recent vice presidential candidate with Ms. Harding, the former figure skating champ, alleged co-conspirator in the 1994 Nancy Kerrigan knee-bashing incident, and one-time professional ladies boxer. It's always fun to revisit the glorious train wreck of a life and career that was Tonya Harding. The photo is from the, yes, official Tonya Harding website. Which means she's still out there, looking, we hope, to make her come back any day now.

A Glorious Autumn Day in Suburbia

Sunday was, wasn't it? Brisk, breezy, clear. The leaves, orange, golden, and red, dropping off trees, making a skittering tap-tap-tap as the wind blew them across the sidewalks and into the streets.

I went running this morning, diverting from the Lafayette-Moraga trail into some of the older neighborhoods in and around downtown Lafayette.

These are neighborhoods with cozy cottages and bungalows, built pre- or post-World War II.

Moraga Boulevard, between Carol Lane and Moraga Road, always makes me think of a setting you'd find in an old 1950s or 1960s TV show, something lifted from a Universal Studio set. Classic, comfortable, prosperous, but not too ostentatious American homes on a wide, quiet street--fronted by lawns and lovingly tended gardens, and sheltered by big old trees.

Moraga Boulevard and the surrounding streets, with their houses, some idiosyncratic and funky, are especially pretty this time of year, with their trees bursting with the colors of fall.

By the way, who says that California doesn't have seasons? It's those natives of the East Coast and the Midwest. Well, I lived in Chicago for four years when I went to college. Sure, they have seasons, pretty overt ones (hot muggy summers; 80-below winters).

Meanwhile, a native Californian like me, and like many of you, I suppose, has learned to discern and appreciate the way our seasons change in subtle, delicate ways. Even in September, when it might still be 90 degrees out, I can still breathe in a changing scent in the air, filled with the aroma of damp and earth and oak and leaves. The sunlight also begins to change, a subtle changing of its slant in the sky, like someone shifting it to a lower spot in the room while slightly dimming its wattage.

I love days like this. On these days, life is good--especially after a run through those quintessential suburban streets of Lafayette, next door to my hometown of Walnut Creek. That crisp air filling my lungs and filling me with a sense of, yes, optimism. And, yes, a sense of gratitude, that I get to live in a place like this.