If you have elderly parents or neighbors, how do you check up to make sure they are safe?

Like a lot of you, I’ve been reading the Contra Costa Times story about the ordeal of Walnut Creek’s Shirley Madsen. The woman, who just turned 90, survived being trapped in her bathtub for three days. She went to take a bath, but when she was done, this otherwise healthy active woman found she was suddenly too weak to pull herself out.

It's fair to say that the specifics of Madsen's ordeal are unusual, but, sadly, the general situation--elderly person injured or incapacited in their home and unable to call for help--is not. And, Walnut Creek is known for its older population. Twenty-five percent of Walnut Creek residents are 65 or older.

Here's what happened with Madsen:

On Wednesday May 27, she returned from a senior trip to a casino resort, but hadn’t eaten much that day. She decided to take a bath before dinner, but didn’t realize how famished and fatigued she was. The kicker of the story is that, once trapped in the tub, she kept herself from becoming dehydrated by using a rubber duck as a cup to drink bathwater.

From what I can tell from the story and from talking to Madsen herself, she had a large extended family who were diligent about keeping in contact with her, though Madsen says they didn’t really have a plan set up.

She usually had daily afternoon phone chats with one daughter, who lives in Ventura County. She met up with family members who live in the area for breakfast on Saturday mornings.
Everyone knew Madsen, who had been a member of the Walnut Creek School board in the 1950s and 1960s, to be healthy and active, going on senior bus trips and regularly meeting up with friends for coffee and volunteering and socializing at one of the local senior centers (pictured above). “I go out a lot at night,” Madsen added.

So, when her Ventura County daughter didn’t reach her by phone for a couple days, the daughter assumed that her busy, active mother out and about. Still, she asked her Walnut Creek sister to pop by mom’s house before the Saturday morning breakfast meet-up. The Walnut Creek sister immediately knew something was wrong when she pulled up to the house and saw her mom’s car and several newspapers in the driveway.

Madsen spent three days in the hospital, recovering from dry skin and the equivalent of bed sores.

“It was a weird dumb stupid thing,” says Madsen, with a laugh. “I will never take another bath as long as I live.”

She adds that the family now has a plan, which is what she advises for every family with an elderly family member who lives on his or her own. In her family plan, she’ll call someone every morning, and if she doesn’t, someone will go check on her.

My 84-year-old mother doesn’t live alone. My husband, son and I live with her. A temporary situation following my husband’s diagnosis and breakdown turned into a permanent one. He and I needed to regroup, and then my father became ill and died in 2003. Meanwhile, my son settled into the neighborhood school, the very one I attended. This is not how I expected life to turn out, living in my childhood home, but I accept it as fate, destiny, whatever. Our post-World War II tract house is small, so it’s not always easy all of us living in one house, but we manage.

And it's probably for the best, mostly for the sake of my son and my mom. I’m not so sure my mom could live on her own. She misses my father , and she’d get lonely, even though she very much likes her alone time in the house. She’s in good health, can cook and clean for herself, and manages her finances. But she has problems with balance and has taken a couple falls. She can also be forgetful, and I’ve come home to find the stove left on. (Okay, I’ve done that once or twice myself.)

Anne, our 91-year-old neighbor, recently died. We all assumed she was in good health; up until a few years ago, she walked herself into downtown Walnut Creek to do her shopping. She also has family in the area, a son who lives in Lafayette, who would regularly stop by and take her out places.

Her death came suddenly. It was during the heat wave following Memorial Day weekend. A neighbor found Anne sitting on her front stoop, looking tired and wan. Anne said she had been suffering from diarrhea. The neighbor took her to the hospital, where she was admitted for severe dehydration. She died a few days later, apparently of a heart attack.

We live in one of Walnut Creek’s older neighborhoods, with a few residents who have lived in their homes a very long time and who now live by themselves, as far as I can tell. I don’t know any of these older women well, but they seem eager to stay independent, and I hope they have family or neighbors close to them who are keeping an eye out.

As Madsen says her family learned, it’s important for families to have a plan. What is yours?

Give Blood! Local Rotary Clubs sponsor major blood drive

A reader wants to share information with others about how they can give that gift of life: blood.

From June 1 to June 14, local rotary clubs are hosting a blood drive at the Contra Costa Blood Center in Pleasanton.

"Each donation can affect, help, and potentially save the life of up to three patients in local hospitals," the Rotary clubs of the Diablo Valley say. And blood, this reader says, is "one of the things that cannot be artificially sourced, and communities are totally dependent on the spirit of giving."

Here's the community notice going out:

The American Red Cross & Diablo Valley Area Rotary have teamed up to help with our communities ‘summer blood supply’ needs.

Please consider donating and inviting others to join our blood drive in supporting the community. With one hour worth of your time, you will be giving the Gift of Life.

The Contra Costa Blood Center is located at 140 Gregory Lane, Pleasant Hill. Walk-ins are welcome but you can also schedule at appointment by calling (925) 602-1460. Please remember to bring a photo ID and sign in on the specific Rotary sign-in sheet at the center.

The center's hours of operation are:

Sunday-Thursday, 7 a.m. to 7:30 p.m.; and Friday and Saturday, 7:30 a.m. to 3 p.m.

How to donate to the families of the slain Oakland police officers

The Oakland Police Officers Association so far has set up three accounts on behalf of the families and children of three of the four police officers gunned down in two related incidents in East Oakland Saturday afternoon.

The officers killed were: Sgt. Erv Romans, 43, of Danville; Sgt. Dan Sakai, 35, of Castro Valley; Sgt. Mark Dunakin, 40, of Tracy and formerly of Pleasanton; and Officer John Hege, 41, of Concord.

Dunakin and Hege were the first ones injured on Saturday afternoon, just after 1 p.m. in the 7400 block of MacArthur Boulevard. They were fatally wounded during a traffic stop with a parolee, Lovelle Mixon, 26, of Oakland. Mixon was wanted on a no-bail warrant for violating his parole. News reports say that Mixon shot them with a semi-automatic pistol, and that, once the wounded officers were lying on the ground, he stood over them and shot them again, before fleeing with his gun.

Around two hours later, Romans and Sakai, both members of the Oakland police SWAT team, were shot while trying to enter an apartment about a block from where their fellow officers were wounded. The San Francisco Chronicle says a woman, who didn't want to be identified, tipped police off to the likelihood that Mixon was hiding in his sister's nearby apartment. Mixon fired at the officers with an AK-47 assault rifle.

The Chronicle also reported that Mixon was suspected in the 2007 killing of a 42-year-old man in Oakland and had just been linked, through DNA evidence, to an unsolved rape earlier in the year.

As details continued to emerge about Mixon's background and criminal history, focus also shifted to the officers and the well-being of their families.

Romans, of Danville, was a former Marine Corps drill sergeant who joined the Oakland Police Department in 1996 and became a member of the SWAT team. He leaves behind three children.

Dan Sakai, who joined the department in 2000, had a 4-year-old daughter.

Dunakin, a traffic sergeant who started in Oakland in 1991, was married and had three children. He grew up in Pleasanton and is a 1987 graduate of Foothill High school.

Hege, a motorcycle officer, graduated from St. Mary's College and taught physical education for a few years before joining the Oakland Police Department. He didn't have any children.

You can make a contribution to trust funds in two ways, by wire transfer or by check.

Wire transfers can be made directly to the following Merrill Lynch accounts: The Romans Children's Family Trust, Acct. No. 204-04066; The Sakai Family Trust, Acct. No. 204-04064; The Dunakin Children's Family Trust, Acct. No. 204-04065.

As of Monday afternoon, no fund had been set up on behalf of John Hege.

Individual checks can also be made out to the families and mailed to the Oakland Police Officer's Association, Attn: Rennee Hassna, 555 5th Street, Oakland, CA, 94607. Make checks payable to the Romans Children's Family Trust; the Sakai Family Trust; the Dunakin Children's Family Trust.

Very sad story: partially mummified body of woman found in Walnut Creek condo

This week we saw a fair amount of news coverage about the decomposed body of an elderly woman found in a Piedmont home, and how the owner of the home had not been seen in years.

Sadly, another senior woman died alone in her home, and her passing also went unnoticed for an extended period of time.

And this case happened in Walnut Creek.

We were alerted to this case from another crazy in suburbia mom. And here's the very disturbing story I was able to piece together, thanks to the help of Walnut Creek police Sgt. Lanny Edwards and a deputy with the Contra Costa County Coroner's department:

On the afternoon of Wednesday, February 18, a workman at the Diablo Keys residential complex, in the 300 block of North Civic Drive, entered a condomium unit to install a fire alarm.

And that's when he made a horrifying discovery: He found a 62-year-old woman sitting on the toilet.

She was dead.

Police and coroner’s deputies later determined that, from the condition of the body and from talking to neighbors and witnesses, that she had probably been dead for five to six months.

A coroner’s deputy described the woman's body as "partially mummified." He also said the cause of death was natural causes. He added that his office had been unable to locate a next of kin, so he could not release her name. Her case has been turned over to the county’s Public Administrator’s office, which investigates and handles the estates of people who die with no will or without someone available to oversee the estate.

Walnut Creek Sgt. Edwards said police don’t suspect anything illegal occurred in this woman’s death--as in the Piedmont case. Police in Piedmont are investigating whether someone knew that the woman was dead but “had improperly disposed of her body"--as in just left her there.

With regard to the Walnut Creek woman, the coroner’s deputy agreed with my observation—that it can be easy for some people to fall through the cracks in our society. Just disappear with no one—family or friends—being clued in. And this can even happen to a woman who must have been doing okay enough in her life that she owned a condominium in a pleasant residential Walnut Creek complex.

This case makes me think of elderly people in my Walnut Creek neighborhood who live alone, in the homes they bought 30, 40, 50 years ago. If they don’t have family or neighbors checking in periodically, there is a risk that they could fall through these cracks. They could suffer from some medical emergency—heart attack, stroke—or they could take a tumble in their house or back yard and not be able to call for help.

Edwards agreed that this woman’s case is “sad." He added: "I agree with your assessment that we all need to be good neighbors and watch over each other.”

"You commie, homo-loving sons of guns!" Sean Penn wins Oscar for playing Harvey Milk who came to Walnut Creek!

Bay Area-based actor Sean Penn won his second Academy Award for Best Actor for his amazingly accurate, heart-felt depicition of slain gay rights advocate and San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk

Soccer Mom writes this, just after finishing watching the Oscars, which in her household--at least to her--is as sacred a TV viewing night as the Rose Bowl, the Superbowl, or the finale of American Idol.

Soccer Mom (why, tonight of all nights, am I referring to myself in the third-person?) especially loved how political some of the speeches got. None of this Halle Barry crap about weeping and expressing gratitude over her lawyer.

Instead, we had the lovely and artfully talented Spanish actress Penelope Cruz. In a not so political, but still moving speech (as she accepted her Best Supporting Actress Award for her role as a fiery ex-wife of an amorous artist in Vicky Cristina Barcelona), she spoke about how films and art are the "world's universal language.”

Then, in a more overtly political speech from the newly crowned Academy Award-winning writer of Best Original Screenplay for Milk, we had Dustin Lance Black, talk about how he, as a 13-year-old, moved from a Mormon home in Texas to California. He recounted how he heard the story of Harvey Milk and how "it gave me hope. It gave me the hope to live my life; it gave me the hope that one day I could live my life openly as who I am and that maybe even I could fall in love and one day get married."

Notably, Milk, the biography of Harvey Milk, premiered shortly after California's same-sex couples lost their right to marry in the November 4 voter referendum

Near the end of the Oscar ceremonies came Sean Penn, winning his second Academy Award for playing Harvey Milk. He used his moment on the international stage to refer to his support of gay marriage and his opposition to Proposition 8, the California voter-approved ban on gay marriage. In expressing his surprise and delight at winning, the famously outspoken actor jokingly praised the Academy voters as "commie, home-loving sons of guns."

Penn then said: "I think it is a good time for those who voted for the ban against gay marriage to sit and reflect and anticipate their great shame and the shame in their grandchildren's eyes if they continue that way." He added: "We've got to have equal rights for everyone."

Over the past few months, some very amazing readers, all of whom are alums of Walnut Creek's Northgate High, have sent me, Soccer Mom, personal tales and documentary evidence showing that Harvey Milk did indeed come to Walnut Creek in September 1978. The newly elected San Francisco supervisor, the first openly gay elected government official in the United States at that time, came to Walnut Creek as part of a series of debates on 1978's Proposition 6.

Voter approval of this this prosposition would have allowed school districts to fire openly gay teachers or any district employeees who showed open support for these teachers.

The proposition was championed by conservative Southern California Senator John Briggs, who now occupies a rather shameful, comedic footnote in state history.

Milk challenged Briggs to a series of debates in the runup to the November 1978 election. Milk, with his charm, intelligence, and command of facts, trounced Briggs in those debates and showed Briggs to be the intolerant prig that he was.

And one of those debates took place in the gymnasium at Northgate High. In Milk, the film depicts the debate as part of live TV coverage of an event taking place at some school in the Walnut Creek School District. Further research, including reading through Randy Shilts' authoritative biography of Harvey Milk, The Mayor of Castro Street: The Life and Times of Harvey Milk, shows that a debate took place at a Walnut Creek high school auditorium.

Some dogged research by some Northgate alums pieced together the facts and uncovered the solid evidence and first-person anecdotes that Harvey Milk and John Briggs debated at Northgate High School in September 1978.

The image of the San Francisco Chronicle story was provided by Northgate alum Jonathan Butterworth, who now lives in Seattle but who was delighted at the idea that his outwardly conservative suburban hometown might have played such a significant role in gay civil rights history. Butterworth was so intrigued that he spent several hours scouring through microfiche of old SF Chronicle stories at the University of Seattle library to find this image and several others.

Meanwhile, another Northgate alum and current Walnut Creek resident sent me screen shots of the debate as depicted in the 1984 Academy Award-winning documentary The Times of Harvey Milk (which, by the way, is available for free online viewing on on Hulu.com).

Finally there is this story from reader who recently posted on Crazyinbuburbia.com:

"I was at Northgate in 1978. Not only did Harvey Milk debate in the Northgate auditorium in the evening, he also met with students in the music room after school--perhaps before the debate with Senator John Briggs. An announcement had been made over the PA that Mr. Milk would be available to meet with students after school. There was a lot of talk about who would attend his talk, but in the end only about 10 of us showed up to hear what he had to say.

"... He was an eloquent speaker, extremely funny, and so dedicated to his civil rights cause. Later that evening when I proudly told my father I'd gone to see Harvey Milk at school he was furious and said horrible things to me. The next day my father went to [the principal's] office and screamed at him for letting a "pervert" on our campus. I ound out years later that my father also tried to get [this principal] fired. I was so ashamed by my father's reaction and to this day it remains an "issue" between us. I am so thankful for Harvey Milk and am so fortunate to have spent an hour in a small group hearing about his dreams for civil rights for the gay community."

Believe it or not, something some people in WC might need: a free workshop this Saturday on the foreclosure process

It’s been a month or two since I’ve visited this website, Foreclosure.com. From what I remember, in looking up listings for foreclosure and pre-foreclosures for Walnut Creek, it didn’t look anywhere near this grim. As of Tuesday evening, the site showed 99 active listings of single-family homes and condos in active foreclosure, and a 125 in active pre-foreclosure.

This list doesn’t appear exact; it might repeat listings of individual properties one or two times. But then there’s Realtytrac.com, which lists 127 Walnut Creek properties in pre-foreclosure.

So, in a sign that the foreclosure crisis is catching up with Walnut Creek, the city is hosting a free seminar this Saturday. Non-profit attorneys and representatives from U.S. House and Urban Development-certified counseling agencies will talk about the foreclosure process, tenants rights, income tax issues in foreclosures, and products for safe refinancing.

The seminar takes place at the Civic Park Community Center, 1375 Civic Dr., 8:30 a.m.-1 p.m. You can also bring your loan documents and meet with a lender or a housing counselor one on one. Loan modification representatives will also be on hand, as will Spanish translators.

Meanwhile, the city says if you are homeless or at risk of becoming homeless, you should call (800) 923-2334. For more resources and information on homelessness, you can call Fresh Start Walnut Creek at (925) 935-8446 or visit its website. Fresh Start is a nonprofit organization, housed at St. Paul's Episcopal Church on Trinity Avenue that offers respite and other services for homeless people.

If you’re having trouble paying your mortgage, at risk of foreclosure, or currently in foreclosure, you can contact the Homeownership Preservation Foundation’s hotline at (888) 995-HOPE.

Something good WC is doing: Setting up a pharmaceutical disposal collection box

(Okay, I figured I had to write something positive about services offered by Walnut Creek's city government, following my most recent rant on the city's "mercenary parking meter practices.")

Anyway, the city, in conjuction with the Central Contra Costa Sanitary District and the Contra Costa County Sheriff's Department, has set up a box at City Hall, 1666 North Main Street, where people can dispose of their unused and outdated medications on weekdays between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

Why it is important for us to not just pour these medications down the drain or flush them down the toilet?

Either method for disposing of pharmaceuticals poses "a serious health concern," the sanitary district says. "Either method can allow medications to make their way into regional water sources by passing through wastewater treatment plants." The drop-off program, which also includes two drop-off sites in Martinez (addresses listed below), can "alleviate some of that pollution."

This program can also keep seniors and youths safe. With regard to seniors, disposing of unwanted, outdated medications "decreases the likelihood of anyone taking a wrong or outdated medication by mistake." As for kids and teenagers, Contra Costa Sheriff Warren Rupf says: "Removing unwanted medications from the homes of our citizens will greatly reduce the risk of abuse by our youth and safeguard the public health."

Here are the locations of the drop-off centers in Martinez and basic rules to follow.

--Contra Costa Regional Medical Center Sheriff’s Substation 2500 Alhambra Avenue

--Contra Costa County Sheriff’s Field Operations Building, 1980 Muir Road

To drop off old pharmaceuticals, medications may be bagged (pills can be placed in a sealed baggie). Liquid containers should be sealed in a plastic bag to prevent spills. Items not accepted include needles, lancets, pen needles, or any other "sharps," aerosol cans, bloody or infectious wastes, hydrogen peroxide, thermometers, and IV bags.

For more information, call (800) 646-1431 or visit the Central Sanitary District's website.

Local hero: Clayton woman finds simple but ingenious way to get fresh fruit into the hands of hungry, needy area families.

Anna Chan is a stay-at-home mom with a 2-year-old daughter. I’ve profiled her before, and so have blogging friends, the Mayor of Claycord and Mister Writer, for her work on behalf of Katie Grace Groebner, the young local girl who suffers from a rare disorder and needs a heart-and-lung transplant.

Now, Anna has a new one-mom, one-daughter project, and it seeks to benefit the growing number of people in our area who need food assistance in these tough economic times. Here’s how Anna explains it herself in a letter she hands out to neighbors, and which was published on Claycord.com.

"My name is Anna. I am a stay-at-home Mommy to my precious 2-year-old daughter, Ava. Though, I have lived and worked in Concord / Clayton for almost
15 years. Please don't just throw my letter in the garbage!

"I often drive past your house on the way to Grandma's house. I notice you have fruit trees which are filled with a healthy crop. I am wondering if you will be harvesting all the fruit for your own family. Or, would you be so kind to pick a few bags for me to deliver to a local food pantry, shelter, church, or other families in need?

"I enjoy helping others and continue brainstorming for ways I can make a positive difference in my very own neighborhood. This is a non-profit venture, with absolutely no budget. I would also be happy to pick the fruit myself, especially from trees that are low to the ground. Either way is fine, just let me know!

"In between running errands, Ava's naps in the car seat, activities at the library or playground, this seemed like an ideal opportunity to at least knock on your door to inquire. Otherwise, I may never know. In only a few short months you may have a bounty of rotten fruit gone to waste in your front yard.

"I welcome any thoughts or help you will offer in this regard.

"Sincerely, Anna Chan, E-mail: AnnaAndAva@gmail.com"

Anna sent me an e-mail on Friday, saying she picked fruit at four different houses in the Cape Cod area, on Concord Boulevard, and two houses off of Clayton Road.

She says she gathered Meyer lemons, oranges, and pale yellow lemons—"in all about 150 pounds! Including the last two days, I am now at 300 plus pounds towards my goal of a thousand pounds. How exciting! Today was a good day. I received one new e-mail from a person wanting to donate tangerines."

(Pictured above is some of the citrus that Anna harvested herself--with the help of Ava, of course.)

Anna has donated about 139 pounds of fruit to the Monument Crisis Center in Concord. The next day, she donated about 30 pounds of lemon to the Salvation Army at the Concord Community Church on Clayton Road. “They are wonderful there. One of the things I admired, is that they serve the ‘needy, not the greedy’ was what the receptionist told me. They have an application process to actually verify need.”

In writing about Anna’s amazing project, I see that the Contra Costa Times today has an article this morning about how Bay Area food banks are busier than ever as the economy tanks. Notably, they are seeing more and more people who never thought they would be in need of this kind of help.

Meanwhile, some good news comes from Larry Sly, executive director of the Food Bank of Contra Costa and Solano. In a commentary he wrote for the Times on Saturday, he says his organization entered this holiday fundraising season with “trepidation.” But, he says, “To our great surprise, the community donated as never before. In faltering economic times, the Food Bank experienced record-breaking food and fund donations. … As an example, employees of Contra Costa and Solano counties, who faced staff and budget cuts themselves, collected over $115,000 in their annual Holiday Food Fight.”

So, with Anna as one shining example, it seems that our suburban communities, even in these tough times, when all of us knows someone who has lost a job or a home, or we ourselves have lost jobs and even homes, are pulling together to help those who are the most in need.

Local hero: Anna Chan, mom and advocate for children, including Katie Grace Groebner

Yesterday, I posted a blog about Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger, the international hero pilot who saved 155 lives by landing his disabled jet safely in the Hudson River. He was honored with a big celebration in his hometown of Danville, given a key to the city, and a resolution from U.S. Congressman Jerry McNerney.

Not to take away from all the well-deserved accolades being heaped upon Sully, but I also want to call attention to Anna Chan, of Clayton, who is doing some heroic work on the local level.

Sure, she might not wind up on CNN or the cover of the New York Times, but she’s doing what she can to make life better for a young girl, Katie Grace Groebner (pictured here) who suffers from pulmonary hypertension, ultimately requiring a heart and lung transplant.

Blogging friend Mister Writer and the Clayton Pioneer point out how much Anna Chan has done on behalf of Katie Grace and her family. And Anna’s doing it with her pen, or rather her word processor and Internet connection, drafting more than 50 letters to media outlets, nonprofits and businesses. She wants to raise awareness about Katie Grace’s situation, and also garner some donations of tickets to fun kids’ activities that Katie and her sister Savanha can enjoy, just to attain a sense of a normal kids’ life. The donations range from tickets to the Oakland Zoo to dance classes for the girls.

Anna is a regular commenter on local blogs, including Claycord.com, Mister Writer, and this blog. She and I have exchanged e-mails that convince me that Anna is a lovely woman with a heart bigger than most.

And I think what really impresses me is that she manages to keep up on her correspondence on behalf of Katie Grace and other children in need while raising a 2-year-old daughter, Ava.

Maybe it’s just that I am hopeless at multi-tasking (or, more likely, that I’m not as nice a person as Anna), but my son, when he was 2, kind of ran me ragged. And when I had a spare moment or two, while he was napping, I’d be catching up on reading the newspaper or a book, or seeing what old movie was playing on Turner Classic Movies. I wasn't applying myself, like Anna, to help other kids in need.

Anna is on a whole other level of humanity, IMHO.

For more information about Katie Grace Groebner, contact the family at groebs4@live.com. To contact the family of Kaylee, email cgraydon@sbcglobal.net. If you would like to help Anna assist families in the community, contact her through the Clayton Pioneer or email andre@claytonpioneer.com.

Suburban homeless: From Livermore to Lafayette, some bad news, but also some good news

I’ll first deliver the bad news--then the good news to, I hope, end this post on a more positive note.

The bad news comes out of Livermore.

Police there found a badly decomposed body of a man in a field near a homeless encampment Friday afternoon, according to a report in the Pleasanton Weekly.

The field is near the intersection of Las Poitas Road and Arroyo Vista, east of downtown Livermore. Someone walking in the area made the grim discovery at about 1 p.m. and called police. The body had been there at least several days, and was so deteriorated that it was impossible to immediately determine cause of death or whether foul play was involved, police told the Weekly. Trying to identify him by distributing a photo of the deceased's face also won’t be possible An autopsy is pending.

Now the good news.

And it has to do with the Winter Nights Shelter, which provides temporary shelter to homeless families with children and ambulatory elders capable of self care. (Accommodations for the children are pictured at left.)

The shelter is currently located at St. Anselm’s Episcopal Church in Lafayette. The shelter operates from April through October, is located at rotating churches in the area, and is run by volunteers under the auspices of the Interfaith Council of Contra Costa County.

The good news about the shelter comes via my mother’s most recent newsletter from the League of Women Voters of Diablo Valley. League member Gwen Watson, who also serves as director for the Winter Nights Shelter, wrote to thank league members for helping to raise more than $1,000 for the shelter. League members raised the money through donations made at their holiday luncheon and through a cookie sale.

“Your donation is making a difference in the lives of our families,” Watson wrote.

Last winter, the shelter provided a warm, safe place to sleep for 71 family members, the majority of whom were children. It also provided dinner and breakfast to clients, transportation to school each day for the children, a daytime “oasis,” or service center, for parents to look for work, get access to social services and low-income housing, and take care of basic tasks like showering and washing clothes. A primary goal of the shelter is to help its clients, who are referred through social service agencies, work towards self-sufficiency.

As of Watson’s writing, she said that the shelter was housing 35 people: 15 adults, nine teenagers, two 6 ½-year-olds, and nine children under the age of five The shelter also provides a pre-school literary project for the younger children.

For more information about the Winter Nights Shelter or to make a donation, click here.

Great New Blog for a Hard-to-Discuss Condition “That Just About Everyone” Suffers From

The condition I’m talking about is stress and anxiety, and the blog, the Stress and Anxiety Club, was started by one of our best-known local bloggers, Mister Writer.

He says, “one of my goals this year is to get a new blog started that serves to help people who suffer from anxiety related disorders, or stressed out and facing other symptoms.” Mister Writer started it in honor of a good friend and “the hope that others will find solace and comfort, as well as practical solutions.”

He adds that “Anxiety is not a sign of failure. Neither is it a sign of a defective human being. It is a product of our society and does come with solutions.” In fact, as it says on the Stress and Anxiety Club, 18 percent of Americans, or more than 40 million people suffer from anxiety disorders.

At the Stress and Anxiety Club, you can share your own story and find information. Mr. Writer says you can use a post name, rather than your own, and even recommends you do so to protect your privacy. He says you can also email him directly at andre@misterwriter.com, and he will be happy to add his input or direct you to where help may be found.

Thanks Mister Writer for this important public service.

The Art and Sad Beauty of the Crosses, and My New Year's Wish for 2009: An End to the Madness that Necessitated Lafayette's Famous Memorial

Rainy Friday.


Taking a drive around our lovely suburbs, including through Lafayette, the home of the now world-famous Lafayette crosses war memorial. Starting in November 2006, on a privately owned hillside, volunteers began erecting a cross for every US service man or woman killed in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. As of today, the memorial shows 4,850 dead.


I've passed the memorial from time to time, but what struck me this morning was really noticing the way friends or family members of some of the deceased has decorated their crosses, often in incredibly beautiful, poignant ways--like the cross to the right, one of several of which is covered in a colorful mosaic of brightly colored tiles and mirrors.


There is also the cross dedicated to the memory of James Coon (below right). He was a 22-year-old graduate of Las Lomas High in Walnut Creek who was killed in April 2007 when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle in Balad, Iraq.


James Coon's father, Jim Coon, described his 6-f00t, 6-inch son as a "good-natured" guy. After graduating from Las Lomas in 2003, where he had been a punter on the school's championship football team, he went to Diablo Valley College, according to an interview his family gave to the San Francisco Chronicle. He joined the Army, hoping to make enough money to buy a house when he returned. He had been in Iraq eight months before he was killed.



At the time of his son's death, his father told the Chronicle: "I'm very proud of my son. ... I would like everybody to support our troops." But Jim Coon added, "I don't support the government and what they're doing with this war. I don't believe the war is right."

Local Heroes: Creek Kids Care Helping the Local Homeless

One of my favorite local nonprofits, Creek Kids Care, raised $700 by selling its kid-created stationery and other art items at the Walnut Creek Farmers Market on December 7.

This Walnut Creek-based nonprofit is doing well enough from its periodic community and online sales that it has committed to donating $300 a month to Fresh Start Walnut Creek, the respite and service center in downtown Walnut Creek for the working poor, homeless, or those at the risk of becoming homeless. Creek Kids Care will make this donation each month between this December and December 2009.

I’ve reported on the fine work of Creek Kids Care before. In one our measures to downsize our Christmas gift-giving list, my husband, son, and I did our shopping at Creek Kids Care sale on November 2. Creek Kids Care sells stationery, knitted items, framed art and other goods made by kids—elementary to high-school aged.

Creek Kids Care has also announced that 15 families have signed up to participate in sponsoring 17 Fresh Start members as part of a special holiday project.

To learn more about this holiday project or to purchase Creek Kids Care stationery online click here.

Meanwhile, as I write this, I just came across a report by the U.S. Conference of Mayors. According to Reuters, this report showed that 19 of 25 cities saw an increase in homelessness in the 12 months to October.

On average, the cities in the survey saw a 12 percent rise in homelessness, the report said. Although the results do not cover all U.S. cities, homeless advocates said they were in line with anecdotal evidence nationwide.

Homeless advocates say families are flooding homeless shelters across the United States in numbers not seen for years, camping out in motels or staying with friends and relatives following foreclosures on tens of thousands of homes during the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression.

The Witches of Contra Costa to Hold Winter Solstice Celebration

Yes, that’s right witches. And pagans, Wiccans, and other women who worship goddesses of ancient and indigenous cultures—like Artemis of ancient Greece and the White Buffalo Calf Woman of Native American mythology. These followers of this outside-the-mainstream form of spirituality will be holding their annual Winter Solstice celebration this Saturday evening in Pleasant Hill and will be honoring the Hawaiian snow goddess Poli’ ahu (depicted at right).

Those hosting the Winter Solstice celebration are members of the all-female, Lafayette-based temple Daughters of the Goddess, a fair number of whom proudly call themselves witches. 

The celebration, which will take place in an outdoor location, will include the “fun and popular candle exchange,” as well as singing, chanting, drumming, dancing, the reciting of poems, and of prayers "for the rain, our health and bringing in our power as the light returns to the Northern part of our planet.” So says Leilani Bierly, the Lafayette mother of two who is the high priestess of the temple.

I’ve met and talked extensively with Leilani about her temple and her spirituality. She’s a friendly, attractive woman with a warm smile and dark flowing hair (kind of like Poli’ ahu). She is half-Hawaiian on her mother’s side. Like other members of her temple, she was raised in a more mainstream religion—in her case, Catholicism—but that religion never clicked with her.

Leilani once worked as a stockbroker, then revived her interest in the traditions of her Hawaiian ancestors, particularly in the myths surrounding the Hawaiian goddesses, after she became a mother. Leilani says that giving birth and becoming a mother, the most joyous but challenging job in the world “called her to something,” and that “something” was her “divine feminine.”

At the New College in San Francisco, Leilani studied astrology and female deities of early natured-based faiths. She argues that monotheistic religions, including Christianity, marginalized these faiths to consolidate power over lands they conquered. Their male-dominated hierarchies, she adds, denigrated women’s status in society, persecuted any who challenged the status quo, and defined witches, the healers in ancient cultures, as evil.

Leilani herself is a witch and teaches a year-long course in witchcraft that includes studies in female self-empowerment, the creation of altars, understanding the elements and directions of nature, and “magickal” and medicinal herbs.

She acknowledges that the word “witch” is pretty charged and conjures up Hollywood horror movie images of women in long black robes, stealing away to forests in the middle of the night to sacrifice animals. To Leilani, being a witch is simply being "a woman empowered to make changes in her own life," a message of self-acceptance that's not altogether out of step with what you might find in the pages of Oprah Winfrey’s O magazine. The members of Leilani's temple are “trying to get back into a culture where women are honored, our sacred mysteries.”

Members of her temple include East Bay suburban wives, moms, and professional women. Some of the temple's monthly circles and special ceremonies, like their Winter Solstice celebration, attract women from all over the Bay Area and even Northern California. Their events are almost always held outdoors, because being the presence of nature is a major component of their faith.

To learn more about the Winter Solstice celebration or about the Daughters of the Goddess, visit their website.

Ways We Can All Help Kids at Risk of Abuse and Neglect in Today’s Economic Crisis

The recent case of a teenage boy, imprisoned and tortured in his Tracy home, horrified us all. What really unsettled me were news reports that neighbors had seen the boy outside the house, and even sensed something about him and the situation that was a bit off, but apparently not enough to raise red flags and call authorities

The four adults who are accused of beating and starving the boy managed to keep their alleged abuses behind closed doors, something that wouldn’t necessarily be hard to do in our suburban communities. As Carol Carrillo, the executive director of the Child Abuse Prevention Council of Contra Costa County, recently told me, “We don’t know our neighbors that well. We used to know people better. We’ve gotten away from that—it’s a cliché’—but it takes a village to raise a child. It takes all of us to keep kids safe.”

Carrillo points out that this boy’s case—and that of a 14-year-old girl found dead in her Antioch home in September, also the victim of long-term abuse and neglect, are “extreme.”

At the same time, Carrillo echoes concerns expressed by other professionals at crisis support, domestic violence, mental health, and substance abuse agencies: the recession is stressing people out and more people are calling these agencies desperate for help. Men and women are losing their homes or jobs, or they are worried about losing either. Some are drinking more or turning to drugs. Moms and dads are fighting with each other over finances, and parents at home alone with the kids—and worried about where the next meal is coming from—are losing their tempers, lashing out.

To Carrillo, kids are the most vulnerable among us amid this economic turmoil. It's just as likely to find kids at risk of being neglected and abused in poor parts of Contra Costa County as it in more affluent areas. In fact, it’s likely that kids in Lamorinda, Walnut Creek, and the San Ramon Valley are in an especially precarious position if their parents are in crisis. That’s because the parents might not want their neighbors or family members to know that they are struggling to maintain that outward veneer of prosperity and emotional well-being.

“If these families are going through hard times, they’re going to keep things quiet,” Carrillo says. “It’s embarrassing, particularly in communities like Orinda and Danville. They have an image to uphold. So they’re not going to share as much.”

Substance abuse is also a lot more common in these communities than we might think, she says, which leads to kids being neglected or abused. “Kids are being put in risky situations.”

Actually, the inaction of the neighbors in the Tracy and Antioch cases—understandable or not—prompted me to call Carrillo ask if there is anything a regular person like me can do if she notices something a bit off about a child in her neighborhood or in her child’s school community.

I think that we, even in comfortable towns like Walnut Creek, have all encountered those kids—around our neighborhoods or in our kids’ schools—who seem a bit, well, lost. You hear about how they act out in class, have problems at home, and show up dirty, unkempt, tired, or unprepared for schoolwork. You see them around the neighborhood, even after dark, wandering by themselves, maybe even buying themselves a dinner of a hot dog and a Big Gulp at the neighborhood 7-Eleven. And you wonder, is anyone watching out for this kid? Or, you wonder, whether this child has a loving single mom or dad who is struggling to get by in this community and can’t afford child care.

Maybe this kid isn’t being abused, or even neglected in the legal sense. He has a mom or dad who is doing the best she or he can. But then, how do you know? And when or how do you step in? A neighbor in the Tracy case recalled seeing the victim around the house, keeping to himself, looking smaller and younger than his 16 years. She thought he didn’t seem to be going to school, but then she didn’t know the family that well, and she figured she didn’t know the situation well enough to judge or intervene.

Obviously, it’s a tough call to make, especially for a regular person like me who is not specially trained, like a social worker, to spot child abuse.

But Carrillo offers some tips on how we might intervene if we’re worried about a kid.

--If you know of a family in your neighborhood and child’s school community that
is going through tough times, you can offer to help the family out, say, by offering to cook them meals or to take care of their kids for the afternoon.

--At the same time, if a family is going through a tough time, they shouldn’t be ashamed to ask their neighbors for help, Carrillo says. “Parents feel like if they ask for help or support, they are being a bad parent. To ask for help means you’re being a good parent. People should really be reaching out, instead of closing the garage door and not interacting with the community.”

--If you hear that a kid in your child’s school may be in trouble at home, you can mention it to that child’s teacher. It’s likely the teacher is already be aware that something in that child’s home amiss, but your information can offer additional perspective, with which the teacher, school principal or counselor can approach the family and see if there is a way to help.

--If you strongly suspect a child is in serious trouble and in imminent risk of harm, call police or Child Protective Services. “They’ll be the ones to screen the situation. If you’re really feeling that something is not right, always report it.”

Here are the numbers to report suspected child abuse:
Contra Costa County Children and Family Services

West County (510) 374-3324; Central County (925) 646-1680; East County (925) 427-8811

And, here are some important facts about child abuse, published on the website for Carrillo’s organization:

--In Contra Costa County during 2006 there were 9,516 reports of suspected
child abuse/neglect

--Circumstances that place parents under substantial stress is likely to increase the risk of child abuse i.e., mental and physical illness, economic stress, drug abuse, isolation.

--Neglected or sexually abused children may not show any physical signs of harm.

--Reporting child abuse does not automatically mean the child will be removed from the home.

--Programs offering help can positively impact a family at risk and can prevent child abuse.

--Supporting a stressed parent or caregiver helps both the parent and the child.

--Child abuse is 100 percent preventable. Please call and ask us how you can help.

The Child Abuse Council offers free referrals to child abuse prevention, intervention and treatment services in Contra Costa County, among many other services. It also publishes Surviving Parenthood, a comprehensive list of services available for children and families in Contra Costa County. You can access this list online, or by calling or visiting the council’s Concord office at (925) 798-0546, 1410 Danzig Plaza, Suite 110, 94520; or the Antioch satellite office at (925) 755-4200, 301 West 10th St., Suite 2, 94509.

For general information and referral to critical health and human services please call 211. This 211 number callers with information about and referral services for everyday needs and in times of crisis. For example, 211 offers access to the following types of services: food banks, clothing closets, shelters, rent assistance, health insurance programs, Medicaid and Medicare, support groups, counseling, education programs.

Are You Downsizing Your Christmas Gift Giving This Year, and If So, How Are You Doing It?

Before Black Friday, I wrote a post about store opening times on the day after Thanksgiving. What a silly idea that was for me. First of all, I’m not a big shopper. Second, I wasn’t going to be getting up early that morning to try to get some of the good deals. And third, my sisters and I have decided that we’re going to rein in gift giving this year.

Part of me feels bad about that. I’ve talked to other people who are similarly cutting back or choosing, within their families, to not exchange gifts at all. I feel bad that my extended family might wind up contributing to declining sales at local and U.S. stores this holiday season, which in turn could lead to retailers going out of business and laying off their employees. More people losing jobs. I don't want that. None of us do.

On the other hand, my oldest sister, who lives in Martinez, and I agreed that it also doesn’t feel right for us to be tearing around buying sweaters or earrings for each other that we’d love to have but right now don’t really need. And, maybe by not getting all caught up in the gift-buying frenzy, we’ll be focusing more on what is supposed to be meaningful about the holidays: our family getting together to enjoy one another’s company and to be grateful that we have our family.

It’s not that either my sister or I or our families are hurting too much (except for drops in home values and 401Ks). But we both know people who have lost jobs, and we were both reading the stories in local newspapers about rising demand for services at local food banks. “If had I tons of money,” my sister said, “I’d rather donate it than spend it on Christmas gifts.”

Within my family, we will be exchanging some gifts. My other sister, who lives in Danville, revealed that she and her husband, who are very DIY-oriented, are making gifts that they’ve been wanting to make for a long time. Meanwhile, my husband, son, and I, who are not very DIY-oriented, did our Christmas shopping at a November 2 sale of art-related items made by the Walnut Creek-based non-profit Creek Kids Care. The kids--elementary to high school-aged--make stationery (one card cover pictured here), knitted items, and framed art, which they sell to help raise money for Fresh Start, the respite and service center in downtown Walnut Creek for for the working poor, homeless, or those at the risk of becoming homeless. Speaking of Creek Kids Care, they will be selling more items at the Walnut Creek Farmers Market tomorrow, Sunday, December 7 from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. Also, you can order their cards now, directly from their website.

Finally, my sisters and I have agreed to make a couple exceptions in terms of splurging on gifts. We’ll still buy presents for the kids in our extended family, and we’ll pitch in to buy (shh!) a package of massages for our mother.

If anyone else has thoughts about cutting back on the gift-giving this holiday season, or ideas on how to give gifts, but at a discount, feel free to share them.

Woman Attempts Suicide at Concord Middle School, reports Claycord.com

This blog may be called Crazy in Suburbia, but I don’t at all take the suffering of people with mental illnesses lightly. In fact, someone very close to me suffers from what’s called schizoaffective disorder—essentially a devastating combination of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

I am also a member of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), and at one point in my life received a lot of help from the kind and dedicated members of NAMI's Contra Costa chapter.

So, I was very sad to read this report on Claycord.com about a woman who was found late Sunday night at Glenbrook Middle School with a self-inflicted laceration to her abdomen. Concord police told the Mayor of Claycord that the woman suffers an unspecified mental health illness that causes her to have multiple personalities. After police located the woman, she was dispatched via ambulance to the Contra Costa County hospital, which includes a 72-hour hold at the county mental health facilities.

Hungry for Help: Bad Economy Pushes Up the Number of East Bay Residents Needing a Free Meal or Other Food Assistance

More people than ever sought a free Thanksgiving meal at Bay Area soup kitchens, according to news reports. The Food Bank of Contra Costa and Solano adds that 98,000 people a month receive help from the organization, a 20 percent increase over 2006.

Meanwhile, the folks at Fresh Start Walnut Creek, a respite and service center for the working poor, homeless, and those at risk of homeless, recently told me they have been dealing with an increased demand for services. The new groups of people seeking help at this center, which is open two days a week at St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, include those whose homes have been foreclosed or who were renting homes and apartments that were subject to foreclosure.

There are big and small ways to help during this holiday season, and the Volunteer Center of the East Bay has an easy-to-navigate list that offers all sorts of suggestions. Not to sound too Pollyanna-ish, but it seems that the recent shocks we’ve all suffered from the economic crisis could bring us together more as a community. There’s not a lot we can do about the volatile stock market, our plummeting 401Ks, or even the prospect of losing our jobs. But some mental health specialists and wellness experts I’ve spoken to recently—people who are smarter and wiser than me about managing personal crises—say it’s important to shift your perspective from one of doom and fear. One way to do that is to volunteer. It gets you out of your own head and your own troubles to what’s going on with others and the world around you.

Anyway, here is the contact information for the organizations I’ve already mentioned. If anyone out there can think of others that deserve to be on the list, email your recommendations.

Volunteer Center of the East Bay

2401 Shadelands Dr., Suite 112, Walnut Creek, 94598, (925) 472-5760, (925) 778-0165, (510) 232-0163, Email: info@helpnow.org

Fresh Start Walnut Creek

St. Paul's Episcopal Church, Fellowship House, 1924 Trinity Ave., Walnut Creek, 94596, (925) 935-8446, email: FreshStartWC@comcast.net. NOTE: To write or donate money to Fresh Start, use the following address: Fresh Start Trust Accounting, P.O. Box 681, El Cerrito, 94530.

Food Bank of Contra Costa and Solano

P.O. Box 6324, Concord CA 94524, (925) 676-7543, mailto:lclingman@foodbankccs.org .

You can also drop off food donations at the Food Bank’s Concord warehouse on these days and times: Monday, Friday, Saturday, 7 a.m.-3:30 p.m.; Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, 7 a.m.–7 p.m. The warehouse is located at 4010 Nelson Ave., Concord, 94520, (925) 676-7543.

Clayton girl in need of a heart-lung transplant has inspired an outpouring of community support

Local bloggers and websites Claycord.com and Mister Writer have updated the situation involving a 6-year-old girl named Katie Grace Groebner, whose family brought her from the midwest to this area to be closer to Stanford University hospital. She is suffering from a disease called pulmonary hypertension and will need a heart and lung transplant to have any chance of survival.

Read more about how she and her family and trying to keep up their hopes at claycord.com and at Mister Writer.

For more about Katie Grace or her illness, visit caringbridge.org/visit/katiegrace or the Pulmonary Hypertension Association website. Donations can be made to the Katie Grace Benefit Fund through US Bank at http://www.usbank.com/. The family accepts emails at groebs4@live.com.

LOCAL HERO: Danville mom tries to apply sanity to the craziness of our contemporary education system

Kerry Dickinson of Danville is one of my local heroes. She’s smart, dedicated, and passionate about restoring sanity and thoughtfulness to the many debates raging about how to educate our kids, how to prepare them to be reasonable, caring, and responsible citizens of the future.

Not only is she the parent of two sons, she also has a teaching credential and master’s degree in reading. She makes herself as well informed about research and current thinking on the hot-button issue of homework and other education controversies as any professional working in education. Her claim to fame, if you will, was in pressuring the San Ramon Valley Unified School District to address its policies on homework.

An account of her challenges to the policies of the San Ramon Valley school district, one of the largest in our East Bay suburban community, was documented in Diablo magazine. I’m on Kerry’s email list. She is constantly scouring for the latest cutting-edge information on education research and is making contacts with major players in education reform movements. She also attends Bay Area-wide meetings on homework and other education issues—meetings that a lot of us don’t have the time to attend because of work and other commitments.

She is generous with her time and her willingness to share that information with us. Anyway, here is an excerpt of her latest email blast.

We are reminded this week of the Jonestown tragedy 30 years ago, when 918 died in the largest mass-murder-suicide incident in US history. The slogan “Don’t drink the Kool-Aid” came out of this event which has become a pop culture warning against blind obedience. I’ve heard this reference twice recently in regard to how we are raising our kids in today’s world.

We have gone from a culture that was once adult-centered (when we were kids) to a culture that is child-centered (now). And the irony of that is when we lived in an adult-centered world, we were free to do whatever we wanted when the adults weren’t looking. Now, with our children the constant focus of our attention and time, we don’t let them do anything unless we know exactly where they are at all times.

While we are providing them with so many opportunities, we are unwittingly taking away their childhoods from them. It’s easy to get wrapped up offering our kids everything possible, to “drink the Kool-Aid” so to speak, by over-scheduling their lives and living in constant motion just because everyone else around us is doing the same.

At some point though we have to take a step back and slow down or we may see some harmful unintended consequences. The documentary film we viewed Friday night, Slipping Behind [a film by Lafayette filmmakers at Reel Link Films] showed us many children who looked great on the outside and performed really well, but who suffered many unintended consequences from this kind of fast-paced, competitive, child-centered lifestyle: suicide, anxiety, anorexia, cheating, ulcers, cutting, drugs, etc…

Another way I see us “drinking the Kool-Aid” is in our attitudes about our kids’ education, and specifically about homework. We treat homework like the weather, like something we just can’t do anything about. We accept the fact that state mandated standards must be appropriate for our kids.

We accept the fact that the homework assigned must be good for our kids simply because it was assigned by a teacher. We prepare a healthy snack and well-lit place for them to do their homework each night, yet don’t look at what’s being given to them to complete. We worry our kids won’t get into good schools and colleges if they don’t do many hours of homework each night. We complain to each other when we do fear homework is inappropriate, but then don’t schedule meetings with teachers to try to plan a good strategy for our children.

So, what can we do about it? How do we slow down and start to give our children their childhoods back? Here are 16 tips:

1. If you can’t afford an activity, don’t sign your kid up.
2. Don’t sign your child up for more than one sport at a time. (This is difficult because many sports are almost year-round.)
3. Even if your friends and your child’s friends are doing it, it’s ok to say “NO.”
4. Don’t sign your child up for academic tutoring unless they are in jeopardy of failing a class. (i.e., don’t pay for a tutor to boost a “B” to an “A”.)
5. Take the summer off from structured activities (or at least 1-2 months of it) and just hang out with your kids (if you don’t work) or let them just hang out with a caretaker and/or friends (if you do work).
6. Don’t ask your kids about grades or homework for 1 hour after school each day. Give them an hour of down time.
7. Don’t focus on grades, but on the content of the subject. (Instead of “What did you get on the test?” say “What did you learn?”
8. Plan, prepare, cook and cleanup meals with your child.
9. Have your child do chores – lawn mowing, sweeping, cleaning toilets, dishes, dog walks, etc.
10. Don’t yell at your kids during homework hour; you are not the homework enforcer.
11. Set up a meeting, a phone call or an email with a teacher if your child is spending too much time on homework and it is cutting into your family time.
12. Don’t go to every scheduled sports game of your child’s. He/she should be participating for the love of the game, not because she/he wants you to be proud of them.
13. Take a walk or bike ride around the neighborhood or into town with your child, or, if he/she is old enough, let him/her go with a friend and no adults.
14. Send your kids out to play in the yard or on your street while there is still daylight. We have only a couple hours now before dark, and they need to get outside after being in school all day.
15. Don’t talk negatively about junior colleges or about choosing not to go to college. Not everyone is cut out for a 4-year university or state college, especially when the requirements are increasingly more difficult each year. There are over 2000 colleges in the US and Canada and many thousands more career options.
16. Enjoy your spouse. Your children’s lives are not your lives. One day soon they will be gone and you will be left staring at your spouse.