September 8, 2009

"My mom won't believe her when I tell her I'm not gay"--best letter to an advice columnist ever!

I also spit out my coffee this morning laughing while reading "Tell Me About It," the advice column by Carolyn Hax that is printed in the Contra Costa Times.

Let's just say that the mom described in this letter takes being sensitive, understanding and politically correct to a hilarious but annoying extreme.

But maybe this mom just wants is a son she can watch the Academy Awards with. I confess I'm guilty on that count, wanting a son who'd watch the Academy Awards with. I managed one year when we made a competition out of it--to see who could guess the most number of wins. We tied.

I can see this young man's plight actually making a good plot line in a sitcom or in a movie, and it sounds like he came up with his own solution to the problem.

Here's the letter:

I studied music theater in college and the majority of my friends were gay, but I am about as straight as you can get. Always thought this was rather obvious since I dated a lot of different girls, but one day my mother approached me and said, "Are you gay? And if you are I am totally fine with that and I support you"

I said no, and what on Earth gave her the impression I was. She said that I have a lot of gay friends and seem comfortable with them and that she totally supports my lifestyle and will defend me regardless of what people say.

That's when it occurred to me that she hadn't heard me when I said I wasn't gay, and so I repeated myself. But she went on saying that I didn't have to deny it any longer. So I brought up the fact that I dated a lot of girls and she had met most of them. But she said that people want to seem like everybody else and she was behind me 100 percent. So I finally explained that regardless of what she tought I would remain straight.

So she said, "Oh. Well then I guess I will have to tell everybody that I was wrong."

She had bragged to all of her friends that I was gay and that she was fine with it! For years after, I had her friends ask me If I was seeing any nice boys. My standard line became: "Yes, but he won't have reassignment surgery so it's over."


Anonymous said...

Moms. God love 'em. Wish I had mine back.

Anonymous said...

Do you think all 'gays' want to watch the AA's, style your hair and redecorate the house?

Mirror time, soccer mom.

Anonymous said...

I guess mom WANTS her kid to be gay...